I'm Tired of Twilight, so to help prove why it's stupid I made this list of quotes from twilight. after each quote is a correction provided by me, and the input follows.

the AP Version is my version of the sentence. please enjoy my new segment:


"How to actually write an engaging, yet simple sentence: Take this Stephanie Meyer!"


I've read so many Twilight quotes just trying to see if the writing is as good as they say... it's not... And I want to show Meyer how to actually write; hopefully she'll see this and maybe write a book that is good enough to atone for her sins of making twilight... Or just quit writing altogether... I like the second theory. He's my beef with her writing. 'urple prose' they call it... it doesn't deserve a name; they should just have declared Meyer mentally insane after reading her writing. She is tries to make simple lines of text seem more thoughtful and perplexing by using bigger words and circular reasoning, which is just not needed. The main character is an emo bitchy teenager, not a philosopher or scholar; it's not true to how people think. So, this segment of the blog will have a quote from Meyer's books. And after the quote, I'll either fix the quote or make it sound nice and more pleasing to the reader, or just tell you why the quotes not even needed in the first place. So... to quote the Joker of the Dark Knight... Here... We..........GO!:


Twilight the 1st book, Preface and chapter 1:


Original:

"Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something."

Bella Swan, Twilight, Preface, p.1


AP Version:

"It must be a great way to die, to die for someone else. For someone you love. A noble death... It should count for something"


Input:

It's a short sweet and simple concept, it's not some overly amazing and thought provoking experiance, and why the hell would a teenager be speaking this way? They wouldn't be, Teens speak their mind and a very direct at times when they want to make a point, not Philosophers.

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Original:

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Preface, p.1


AP Version:

When life presents a chance to persue a dream greater then you can imagine, it's not normal that a person would grieve when the journey comes to an end"


Input:

The original version the scentence isn't that bad, but it's in a format that just gives the reader a headache. Though the phrase it's self is pretty useless. It’s probably better to say "My adventure was great and gave me and experiance I'll never forget... so much so that I grieved the ay it had to some to an end"

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Original:

My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity ofmy funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with redand blue lights on top. Nothing slows down traffic like a cop.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.5


AP Version:

The reason I really wanted to buy a car, even though I didn't have much money, is becasue it was embarassing to be driven around in a police car, plus people tend to slow down too much when ones around.


Input:

She may have been motivated to by a car... but why do you have to say that at the begining of the scentence, it becomes self-evident at the end of the scentence when she explains how embarassing it is to be driven around in a police car.

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Original:

I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.6


AP Version:

I refuse to write a remake of this quote


Input:

It's called a defense mechanism! It's Basic Psycology! It doesn't need to be explained!

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Original:

It was nice to be alone, not to have to smile and look pleased; arelief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.9


AP Version:

It was nice to be alone for once, to not have to smile and act as though everything is ok. It relives me to just stare out the window... I could feel a few tears roll down my cheek...


Input:

If you don't like my version better then there's something wrong with you cause teens would never use the word "Dejectedly" I was never taught this word in high school, so I can only assume Meyer just grabbed a thesaurus and randomly picked it out, or she made it up, I don't really care, the point is that I don't care if it fits the situation, it's not needed and makes the scentence look displeasing to the eyes for the picture that's being painted. My version not only fleashes the character out more, but the description for her crying seems more human.

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Original:

Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyesthat the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was aglitch in my brain.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.11


AP Version:

Sometimes I feel I'm going crazy, as if no one else can see the obvious... Maybe I am crazy...


Input:

Another example of Meyer's need to make overly complicated scentences for something so simple, and her circular reasoning.

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Original:

Good luck tended to avoid me.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.11


AP Version:

Good fortune seldom smiled upon me...


Input:

Same meaning, but mine carried more weight and emotion, but I will say this, either version wether it be Meyer's or my version, this phrase isn't needed. A simple "I have very bad luck" could suffice as well.

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Original:

I was expected, a topic of gossip no doubt. Daughter of the Chief’s flight ex-wife, come home at last.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.13


AP Version:

They were expecting me... I knew they were gossiping about me, it was obvious.


Input:

Another example of over complication. Plus the second half of the quote is completely unecassary.

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Original:

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.14


AP Version:

No response to this one


Input:

This is probably the only line I've read that is semi-plausable. The "feebly" part could be taken out, but other then that I have no complaints. I'm just saying this just to show how a single word can mess up a perfectly good line of text.

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Original:

I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.19


AP Version:

Their amazing beauty made them seem so different, maybe even inhuman.


Input:

The original had me laughing so hard! "Inhumanly beautiful" just sounds wrong; it's not even fun to say. Yet another Example of Meyer's unrelenting need to make something so simple so complicated.

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Original:

I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful asthey were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted. Relief that Iwasn’t the only newcomer here, and certainly not the most interestingby any standard.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.22


AP Version:

I felt sorry for them, even pity... Maybe because, even though they were beautiful, the weren't welcome here, outsiders. I felt relief that I wasn't completely alone.


Input:

I really don't want to explain how or why this scentence is bad, just if you have half a brain you should be able to tell this fact.

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Original:

That’s Edward. He’s gorgeous, of course, but don’t waste your time.He doesn’t date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-lookingenough for him.

Jessica Stanley, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.22


AP Version:

Whine whine whine, this scenetence is useless whine


Input:

Apparently someone has low self-esteem or maybe Edwards a dick, and sparkles in the sun... hmmm... I think my point is made.

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Original:

I’d noticed that his eyes were black – coal black.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.23


AP Version:

His eyes were a deep black, you could get lost in them.


Input:

As corny as it sounds, describing eyes as "coal black" just sounds stupid, black is black, that it.

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Original:

I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaringdown at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched awayfrom him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase if looks could killsuddenly ran through my mind.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.24


AP Version:

I glanced at him quickly, but his face glaring at me made me feel a bit of regret as he looked repulsed by me. I found myself suddenly back away and gripped onto my chair.


Input:

Neither my version nor the original is that good, but I thought I'd try. The last part of the original could be attached to my version, but I just didn't feel like typing it, take or leave it.

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Original:

So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I’ve never seen him act like that.

Mike Newton, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.25


AP Version:

.... I just refuse to make a replacement for that.


Input:

Well, someone is a nosy little prick aren't ya! Mind your damn buisness; she'll commit assault if she wants. I'm kidding of course; I just didn't want to bother with this one.

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Original:

Forks was literally my personal hell on Earth.

Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 1, p.25


AP Version:

...................................................


Input:

Really? Forks are your personal hell? You are obviously very sheltered and have no right to act emo, except that you're a pampered bitch who’s bored with your life.

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The End of today segment I hope you all enjoy! JillieFoo signing OFF!